Discovering an affair

The initial discovery of an affair usually triggers powerful emotions for both partners, as well as a sense of loss. The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and obsessively think about the details of the affair. The partner who committed the infidelity might fear being punished forever. It's usually difficult at this time to think clearly enough to make long-term decisions. Consider the following:

• Don't make rash decisions. If you think you might physically hurt yourself or someone else, seek professional help immediately.
• Give each other space. The discovery of an affair is always intense. You might find yourself acting erratically or unlike yourself as you attempt to grasp what has happened. Try to avoid emotionally intense discussions as you begin the healing process.

• Seek support. It can help to share your experience and feelings with trusted friends or loved ones who can support, encourage and walk along with you on your healing path. Avoid people who tend to be judgmental, critical or biased.

  Some spiritual leaders have training and might be helpful. Consider seeing a well-trained, experienced marriage and family therapist alone or together.

• Take your time. Even though you might have a deep desire to understand what has happened, avoid delving into the intimate details of the affair initially. Doing so without professional guidance might be harmful.