Mending a broken marriage

Recovering from an affair will be one of the most challenging chapters in your life. This challenge may come with ambivalence and uncertainty. However, as you rebuild trust, admit guilt, learn how to forgive and reconcile struggles, it can deepen and strengthen the love and affection we all desire.

Consider these steps to promote healing:

• Don't decide yet. Before choosing to continue or end your marriage, take the time to heal and understand what was behind the affair.
• Be accountable. If you were unfaithful, take responsibility for your actions. End the affair, and stop all interaction or communication with the person. If the affair involved a co-worker, limit contact strictly to business or get another job.
• Get help from different sources. Seek the help of nonjudgmental, understanding friends, experienced spiritual leaders or a trained counselor. All self-help books are not equally helpful. Seek advice about additional reading from a professional.
• Consult a marriage counselor. Seek help from a licensed therapist who is specifically trained in marital therapy and experienced in dealing with infidelity. Marriage counseling can help you put the affair into perspective, identify issues that might have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce — if that's the mutual goal.
• Restore trust. Make a plan to restore trust and result in reconciliation. Agree on a timetable and process. If you were unfaithful, admit guilt and pursue authentic forgiveness. If your partner was unfaithful, when you are able, offer forgiveness. Together, seek understanding.