Breaking the ice

Sex might be hard to talk about. But it's even harder to avoid. Sex seems to be everywhere — news, entertainment, social media, advertising. But you can use that to get the talk going and keep it going.

Here are some ideas:

• Seize the moment. When sex comes up in a show or song, use it as a way to start a talk. Everyday moments — such as riding in the car or putting away groceries — are often the best chances to talk.
• Talk early and often. A one-time "birds and the bees" talk isn't enough. Start talking to your teen about safe sex during the preteen years. Continue the talk into early adulthood. Change the talk to suit growth and development.
• Be honest. If you're uncomfortable, say so. But keep talking. If you don't know how to answer your teen's questions, offer to find the answers or look them up together.
• Be direct. Clearly state your feelings about sex. Give facts about risks such as emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy. Explain that oral sex isn't a risk-free choice instead of intercourse.
• Think about your teen's point of view. Strict talks and scare tactics can stop connection and encourage rebellious, risky behavior. Instead, listen to your teen carefully. Understand the pressures, challenges and concerns that teens have.
• Move beyond the facts. Your teen needs to know the facts about sex. But it's just as important to talk about feelings, attitudes and values. Teens are more likely to adopt family values when they understand their parents and feel understood by them.
• Focus on well-being. The teen years are known as a time of risk-taking. But they're also the time when healthy self-care behaviors start. Besides talking about risks, model and express the value of healthy relationships and choices.
• Invite more talks. Let your teen know that it's OK to talk with you about sex when questions or concerns arise. Reward questions by saying, "I'm glad you came to me."