Topics to address with your partner

When you're talking to your partner about your sexual needs, try to be specific. Consider addressing these topics:

• Time. Are you setting aside enough time for sexual intimacy? If not, what can you do to change things? How can you make sexual intimacy a priority? Think about how you and your partner can support each other to help create time and energy for sex.
• Your relationship. Talk about challenges between you and your partner that might be interfering with sex, and ways that you can address them.
• Romance. Do you and your partner have the same definition of romance? Is it missing? How can you reignite it? How can romance set the stage for sexual intimacy?
• Pleasure. What gives you individual and mutual enjoyment? Be open to hearing your partner's requests and coming up with compromises if one of you is uncomfortable with the other's requests. Talk about what sexual activities make you uncomfortable.

• Routine. Has sex become too routine or predictable? What changes might you make? For instance, explore different times to have sex or try new techniques.

  Consider more cuddling, a sensual massage, self-stimulation, oral sex or using a vibrator — depending on what interests you. Talk about what you like, what you don't like and what you'd like to try.

• Emotional intimacy. Sex is more than a physical act — it's also an opportunity for emotional connection, which builds closeness in a relationship. Try to take the pressure off of each other when it comes to having sexual intercourse or achieving orgasm. Enjoy touching each other, kissing, and feeling physically and emotionally close.
• Physical and emotional changes. Are physical changes, such as an illness, weight gain, changes after surgery or hormonal changes, affecting your sex life? Also address emotional factors that might be interfering with your enjoyment of sex, such as being stressed or depressed.
• Beliefs. Discuss your beliefs and expectations about sex. Consider whether misconceptions — such as the idea that women become less sexual after menopause — are affecting your sex life.